I was outside for no longer than 2 seconds when I took my first breath of the cool, March air, and it had its effect immediately. The cool air came in through my half-stuffed-up nose, travelled down the air passages and resided in my lungs, immediately removing that warm/stuffy feeling that was there. The cool air was absolutely refreshing from the first breath. And then I took another. I knew right then that this was the right choice for a break. I went over to the bench on the corner of 8th and College, and I just sat there, just breathing in the cool, life-giving air.
In the break from my work, I wasn't distracting myself with something from facebook, or going to espn.com to read articles about the NCAA tournament that I've no doubt read at least 2 or 3 times by now, or even finding friends to talk to. I just went outside and sat. Instead of distracting my mind with something else, I emptied it. Nothing on my mind, nothing to think about...just a complete break. Rest.
It kinda hit me that that was the first time I had truly rested in a long time. I've kinda been on this crappy sleep schedule lately where I've been staying up way later than I should and then making up for it by sleeping in a little later than normal. Every time I wake up, I feel like I haven't rested at all. And then I go through my day without a whole lot of energy, craving rest. And every time I've wanted a break from work, I've chosen to distract my mind with online episodes of tv shows or refreshing my email every 30 seconds, just in case someone sent something new since the last time I checked. I haven't chosen rest.
For probably at least a week, I haven't actually rested...just been still, emptied my mind. Even in times where I've opened my bible to read, it hasn't been restful or rejuvenating, but rather something I need to do, something else to focus on, something else to place my mind on. One frustration has been that some of the ways that I often rest and empty my mind have been in active ways, like running...and with a broken ankle, that's not really a possibility. But the problem is, I've used that as an excuse to not rest... "Well, I can't really go running, so I guess I can't really do anything to take a break, to feel better..."
And so this is why my the first few breaths in a simple study break were so peaceful and yet invigorating. Honestly, it was much like being underwater for as long as you can hold your breath, and then coming up to breathe...those first few breaths fill your lungs and your body, providing a source of life that you had been deprived of for well too long. As I sat on the bench, just sitting, just breathing, just being, the rest poured into me like a fountain.
As tempting as it was to just stay out there for hours and just soak in the cool air and the rest, I only remained on the bench for maybe 5 minutes. In part because I was taking up a booth with all my stuff and I didn't want to upset any customers that were looking for somewhere to sit, and in part because as good as the cool air felt in my lungs, it's still March, and it's 45 degrees, and after a few minutes I was getting a little cold. But those 5 minutes of just sitting, breathing, being, filled me up in a way I hadn't been filled in well over a week. It was only 5 minutes of rest...but it's amazing how much of a difference those 5 minutes made.
I think it's time for a conscious effort to rest. I often am so focused on all of the tasks I have to do for that day that I think rest is just avoiding work through distracting with something else. Because all of these tasks aren't always "fun" (like reading the works of Johann Pfefferkorn in which he's just tearing up the Jews like crazy...in the name of God, no less...), I think I need to distract myself with something fun, like House, or brackets. Instead, I think the focus needs to be on integrating times of rest into my life. Part of that is figuring out what the things are that help me empty my mind and give me rest, like just taking a moment to sit outside, running, listening to music not as background noise while I work on something else...and then pursuing those things.
God truly desires these moments of rest in our lives. He knows our limitations, and he knows we need rhythms of rest in our lives in order for us to function well. These rhythms include worshiping together corporately, taking time to read and study the word, having times of prayer. But, these times also include those times of pure rest, when we just empty our minds and slow down for a few moments. It's not exactly a "Christian" thing like worshiping or praying or reading the bible, but I firmly believe that God meets us in these times and gives us life. God desires to give us life through all things, whether "churchy" or not.
The last thought that comes to mind is this. When life is stressful and there is so much to do, or when things are just really hard and we want a break, we're often just trying to run away from things...hence distractions, tv shows, and internet time-wasters. What if instead of trying to run away from things, we just are conscious enough to take a break from things...we stop what we're doing and take a moment away from that, not thinking that we are running away from it and can avoid it, but that we instead need to be fueled in order to get whatever it is done. God doesn't always deliver us from our circumstances....very rarely does God work through the "easy way out." But, God does provide us with the life and energy and rest needed to get through our tasks, if we only take the time to rest and approach him.
I think I'm gonna take 5 more minutes to go sit on that bench...
Tom
(Also: I am incapable of small blog posts. Sorry that reading my blog is a solid time commitment.)
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